Broken in Your Heart
by Spiristoria
Summary: A rewrite of an old story, but different concept. Rin, a girl who suffers physically in her heart, received inflicted pain on her heart over and over. Broken down, she tries to make her heart strong for others...but can she make it strong for herself? "Sticks and stones break your bones but words won't ever hurt you, what if I'm already hurt?" This is her journey to recovery...
1. Prologue

**A/N: My old usernames on fanfiction were CubicleMiyuki, and KokoroKiseki55. If you know me from then, you probably remember the stories Broken and Disabled, as well as Assassinated Love... let me explain. Assassinated love was my earliest works, I was 12. And I really loved writing, and went with my heart...it wasn't proper. I got harshly criticized for it and lashed out like I shouldn't have. I apologize from my heart for it.**

 **I deeply regretted it at that time, and made a new story to redeem myself. 'Broken and Disabled' it got many views, and I got many wonderful comments saying how nice the writing was. And how I even made some people cry. It was a few months shortly after Assassinated Love incident. I grew to dislike 'Broken and Disabled' and so I deleted it without thinking. I disappointed a lot of people, and I deeply apologize but at that time I was going through the roughest points of my life and I still am.**

 **Now I restart both stories, they both will be produced side by side updating somewhat around the same time. (More info for 'Assassinated Love' is on that prologue).**

 **Remaking Broken and Disabled, will be the same as it was back then, except different ending, and different plot. The condition is not the same, and the perspective...will be darker. I know how people like Rin may feel like, my brother suffers from cerebral palsy although I can't understand him, I can empathize with him. But people who have things taken away from them...that I can definitely empathize with.**

 **So with that, we start Broken in Your Heart. (BTW This isn't a RinxLen fanfic it has some of it, but it's more of a journey and stuff. I don't wanna share much xD)**

 _Prologue_

 _Have you ever felt broken? It's how I feel, inside and out. They say sticks and stones can break your bones, but words may never hurt you._

 _Such a foolish mindset. Words hurt, they're like knives, a thousand knives even. I'm not normal, I show my pain, my hurt. Yet people are cruel._

 _I had dreams...I had hopes._

" _Dad! I want to be a teacher one day!" a younger me, gleefully looked at her father._

 _All stolen away…I realize I am not like others._

" _I'm not like others! I'm not normal, I can't even run before collapsing!"_

 _We fight...but is it worth it?_

" _Get the hell away from me."_

" _Excuse me? Mr. Kiyoteru!"_

 _Crying...I 'ran' out of tears._

" _Why the hell aren't you crying? What's wrong with you?"_

" _I can't cry."_

" _Bullshit!"_

 _But...why do I still cry? What is worth crying? I still want to cry, but at the same time...I have to be strong._

 _To protect others. To put others before me. Even with my heart not like theirs, I want to empathize with them, I want to forgive them, I want to love them like nobody ever did for me._

 _People love me. I am aware. But do I love myself? Is my heart...able to love myself?_

" _You can love yourself, like your heart as big for others, your heart is big for yourself."_

 _Nobody will ever tell me this…_

 _And even if they did...do I even believe it?_

 _Stick and Stones break your bones, but words will never hurt you._

 _What if I'm already hurt?_

 _What if I fight but it's useless?_

 _What if I don't cry?_

 _What if I cry, yet I don't want to?_

 _What if I smile and laugh...but feel hollow?_

 _What if I feel like wanting revenge, does it make me evil?_

 _What if I act irrationally...I'm horrible right?_

 _What if I feel angry when others are happy?_

 _What if I take someone's happiness?_

 _What if I'm wearing a mask?_

 _What if I am breaking?_

 _What if I'm already broken?_

 _What if I can't be fixed?_

 _What if I want to be fixed, but don't know how?_

 _What if I can't tell who I am anymore?_

 _What if I don't know the answers?_

 _What if I can't fix myself?_

 _What if you can't fix me?_

 _What if there is no real me?_

 _What if I have a chance?_

 _What if...what if...I can be me?_

 _-Broken In Your Heart-_

 **A/N: Okay there is still a medical thing in there so don't worry! Rin does suffer from something, and it's very similar to my condition. I can't reveal much**

 **It updates every 3 days next update will be 5/27/17**

 **Criticism is allowed, just no cursing at me or calling my story horrible without a reason.**

 **Until 3 days time!**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Alright chapter one. Be reminded that this story is very different from Broken and Disabled, and will be told much more intensely. With that a disclaimer is all characters are not mine and belong to Crypton Media! Let's begin…**

Chapter 1: What if I'm already hurt?

 _It's hazy...I felt wind blowing in my short blonde hair, and the sky is almost as blue as my eyes. I heard a sweet voice, and turned._

" _Ah, can you hear that?"_

" _What?"_

" _The sound of your heart…"_

" _I can't hear mine."_

" _Silly, everyone can hear their heart!"_

" _You'll understand once you're older…younger me."_

 _The younger me looked up at me innocently. Her eyes were brown and not dark, it had life. Her eyes full of curiosity, partially damaged, but still bright…_

 _I cried softly, "I'm sorry."_

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I woke up with a startle...faint tears covered my face. I sluggishly went off my bed, and changed into my clothes. I looked in the mirror, and struggled to brush my hair, before putting my trademarked white bow on.

' _Another day…'_ I thought to myself before I went to bathroom to brush my teeth.

The house was quiet...and empty. Not surprising, considering everyone is still asleep, or has gone to work.

I skipped breakfast, briefly stopping by the kitchen to take my morning pill. "Ah, you're awake Rin?" I heard a voice and saw my mom.

She didn't have a smile, but only looked tired and shuffled her way to make herself coffee. I took my backpack, and saw my sister hasn't taken hers.

I'll be early then. "How was your rest?" she asked.

I stayed quiet, and just exited my house, making my way to school. I listened to the early morning sounds, and soon enough,. I arrived there ten minutes before the morning bell.

I went inside the school, and put my switched my shoes. I walked around the corridor, and saw my friend, Neru. lean against the wall. Her long blonde ponytail swayed next to her, with her yellow-brownish eyes were looking down addictively at her phone.

"Hey Neru!" I waved at her.

Neru glanced up from her phone, and waved back, "Yo." she signaled her hand for me to come over, and I obliged.

"So, how was your date with Dell?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Didn't feel anything. I'm not interested in him." she concluded before she went back, typing away on her phone probably talking to another one of her friends.

I then feel a book slap against the back of my head, I glanced at the person who directed the attack. It was Mayu and Sonika. Of course, those two always hated me.

"Hey Heartless, how's it going?"Mayu smirked. She looked like a doll, her pure white hair with her big brown-yellowish eyes made her look innocent. But in my eyes...she was a malicious bitch.

Her minion, Sonika, had medium length leaf-green hair, tied into a ponytail. Her hair matched her eye color on point, and she had a laughed, "Good one Mayu."

I stayed quiet, Sonika and Mayu laughed as they strutted down the hallways. Neru raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged and she shrugged, resuming her phone. "You gotta stop letting them walk all over you." she started, "You can't just keep being defenseless and quiet."

"I do defend myself." I countered, "Not all the time though."

"When you do it, you put yourself in a deeper pit," she rebutted, "You sound like a bigger jerk than them when you do it."

I groaned in frustration, "Well, I'd like to see you try to be in my shoes!"

"I already am. I've been bullied my whole life. Teachers hate me." Neru sighed.

"Not now you aren't, no bullies have targeted you yet." I pointed out, "And you still have friends. I only have you."

"Well, you can make friends too if you tried."

"I can't make friends, let alone keep them," I muttered, "I'm too shy to do so."

Neru started walking away, "Have faith in yourself then...I guess."

"You okay?" I asked. Stopping her as I grabbed onto her arm.

"Yeah...I'm fine." Neru said, avoiding eye contact with me,

I knew something was wrong, "You sure?"

Neru slapped away my hand away, and started walking away, "Yes, I'm sure."

I sighed, and turned away, walking to the direction of my class.

DING DING DING

The morning bell rang, and I hurried over to my class before the second bell could ring. When I reached there, everyone was already in their little groups.

I walked over to a random classmate, "Hey." I waved.

She smiled at me, "Yo."

Her smile is fake. In her eyes, I could see she'd rather talk to her friends. So I stalked away, and into my seat I sat.

"Oh my gosh, Len, and Kaito! They're here!" a voice called out. I didn't bother looking at the direction, why should I? I started reading my manga.

I was not even one page through, when commotion got louder, "Kyaaaa he's got an announcement!" I cringed internally. And finally turned my head to the commotion.

I saw a boy with yellowish blonde hair, tied into a ponytail with dark blue cerulean eyes. He looked like me, next to him, I saw a taller guy with a nice blue shade hair. He had blue eyes to match it.

"Ahhh! Lenka and Len make a cuuutttteeee couple!" a girl squealed. Ah, sis was here. She had looked like a girl version of Len, except more girly looking, and a longer blonde ponytail.

A guy shouted, "Man I wish I could be them!"

Where the heck was the teacher? But nonetheless, the commotion continued until Lenka smiled, "Hey everyone! Calm down, so we could get the announcements going!" She ended in a 'cute pose' and guys went wild, while girls gushed about how cute she was. But soon they died down.

Lenka started looking around the room, I turned away hiding my head in my manga. "Hey sis!" she suddenly called out to me.

I flinched, and put down my manga, weakly waving, "Hi…" I said quietly.

"Oh my gosh Lenka's such a good sister!"

"Wish Rin was more like her."

"Lenka deserves more respect from Rin!"

"Anyways, sorry for that! We've got an announcement!" Lenka smiled, twirling around, "Len! Explain the deets!" she signaled to Len.

Len nodded, "As you all have known, sports day is coming. All classes are to compete to see the winner, and...well, we have a shift change this year."

"Depending on your number in class, even or odd. You'll be on the white or red team." Kaito added, "As student council, we believe it will be more competitive to be against classmates in your own class. But be aware…"

"It's all just for fun!" Lenka smiled.

Students started muttering, and some objecting.

"I don't want to be separate from my friend!"

"Most of the odd students have an advantage!"

"It's a waste of time and effort, why do it?!"

Len quieted everyone down. "Calm down. I will be on the white team, while Kaito will be on the red team. "

"And I'm on the red team as well." Lenka grinned happily.

"Kyaaa on a team with Len?! I'm for it now!"

"A team with Lenka! Let's gooo!"

"Alrighty then...if you're an odd number, you're on team white!" Len announced. "Red team are even numbered classmates according to your attendance sheet!"

I widened my eyes, welp. I'm on white. I was number 7 believe it or not, and shoot I'm on Len's team.

"There is no prize at the end, so let's all have good ol fun!" Lenka smiled, and winked.

The three of them then exited the room, and students started buzzing excitedly for sports day, and some were tearful. Well not tearful, but overdramatic.

I rolled my eyes, and went back to reading. The teacher soon came in, and shushed everyone. I started tuning into the lesson…

I stopped running.

"It hurts…" I gritted my teeth, clutching my chest near my heart. "Go on without me Neru…" I said quietly.

Neru nodded, and soon started running off without me.

My brain felt frozen from the wind, as my heart was beating erratically, fast, and it was painful. It felt like a thousand knives, and Mayu soon walked too me.

"Wow, so pathetic. Can't even fucking run." Mayu snickered.

I snapped, "At least I'm not fucking lazy and walking the whole damn mile."

Mayu soon slapped me, "Shut the hell up bitch." Mayu stormed away, walking still.

I kept clutching my chest, and muttered to myself. "You okay?" I heard a familiar voice.

"Oh hey Lenka." I spat. Not bothering to look at her.

Lenka rolled her eyes, "Hardy har har, you know I'm just trying to help you dear sister."

"Save the crap for someone who cares. We both know you're faking it." I sighed, and turned around, the beating has died down. It felt normal.

"Go off now sister, I plan to finish this mile." I said lowly.

Lenka shrugged, "Well see you at the finish line."

Lenka then ran off. I started running too after a few moments, I didn't run with all of my might like I did at the beginning, and instead jogged at my own pace. However, it doesn't spare my heart before it does the same thing, and this time I fall to the ground. A few students jog past me, looking at me with either pity or mockery in their faces.

"I'm almost...there...:" I huffed. I stood back up, wobbling and running, I ran to the finish line.

I see it...I'm almost there..!

"EVERYONE BACK INSIDE. KAGAMI, THAT'S ENOUGH." The teacher yelled. Students started filing inside, and I collapsed to the ground.

I looked up at the blue sky…"I didn't make it." I sighed.

My chest still hurts, and my heart still beats fast and loudly. "You okay there Kagami-San?" I heard a voice.

I looked over to the voice, the girl had sea-teal pigtails, and blue eyes to match her. She was very pretty and cute I admit. But instead of replying politely, I scoffed, "I'm fine."

I started walking away to the locker rooms to change. Feeling dizzy, I accidentally bumped into someone.

"Hey!" it's a boy...he looked at me angrily.

I mumbled a quick sorry, before staggering towards the locker rooms.

The boy stopped me to the side, "You okay?" he looked at me in the eyes...it's Len.

I nodded, "Sorry." I started walking away again, leaving Len alone, and soon made it to the locker rooms.

I sat on the bench in front of my locker, and started changing slowly. I slipped back into my regular uniforms, and stumbled out of the locker rooms. I soon regained my balance, but with a help of hands.

"You again!" I widened my eyes. I noticed him holding onto my wrist, and took my wrist away.

"What?" I said coldly.

He blinked, "Nothing?"

"I'm going now see you." I snapped, and walked to my classroom. My heart back to normal, and such, I walked back to my classroom, missing the bell.

A girl snickered, one of Mayu's followers, "Kagami-san you okay? You need the nurse again?" she said in slight mockery.

"Silence." my teacher, Ms. Megurine scolded. She smiled at me, "You're excused this time."

I nodded, and walked to my seat and sat down. Immediately starting to work on the next worksheet…

"Ah, I have to go, be right back students. Please take this time to talk amongst yourselves quietly." Ms. Megurine smiled and exited the room.

I went to reading, until I heard a thump on my desk. I looked up and saw a girl with brown hair and brown eyes glancing down at me, with two friends behind her.

"You Kagami-San right?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yes…?"

"I highly doubt you know me since you're always reading, my name's Nishara Kaede, these are my friends, Kushina Saiko and Katsuna Aiko." the girl pointed to her friends behind her.

Nishara then glared at me, "You know, you could be nicer to others. Especially your sister."

I blinked, "What?"

"You've heard me. You're sorta mean to others, especially your own sister. Telling her to shut up in the hallways sometimes when she tries to be loving to you." Nishara continued, "Not only that, I saw how rude you were to Len-sama! That's crossing the line!"

"Well, I wasn't trying to be rude. I was just telling them how they're annoying me, they were quite bothersome. Surely you'd understand." I smiled sarcastically, eyes shining with malice.

Nishara flicked my head, "Kagami-San learn to be nicer to others, and maybe we'll be nicer to you. You heartless skank!"

"No need, I love being heartless." I smiled maliciously, "It's what I am anyways…"

Nishara grunted, and then flipped her hair, "But you get what I'm saying yeah?"

I shrugged, "Sure."

Nishara looked at me in outrage, before stomping back to her desk, her friends following her. Students were once again muttering about my behavior. I huffed, and went back to reading, biting back any tears threatening to spill.

The school day ended, and Ms. Megurine approached my desk as I was the last one to leave.

"Kagami-San, you are okay right?" she looked at me in concern.

I put on a mask, and smile to convince her, "Peachy."

"Remember Kagami-san, sticks and bones can break your bones-"

"And words can never hurt you. I know, I know." I smiled back, reassuring my teacher I was fine.

Ms. Megurine smiled, "Glad you're happy then"

I nodded, and walked out of the door, heading home.

 _I'm not happy… I'm not okay… I'm hurt. Words hurt._

Tears spilled out of my eyes as I walked home, and when I arrived home. I quickly took my afternoon pill and walked to my room closing the door, I was alone in this house. As always when I arrived home...

Lenka was at a student council meeting, mom was at work, and so was dad. So I curled up on my bed...and cried my heart out to myself, and myself only…

~Chapter End~

 **A/N: I know it's not 'dark dark' as Broken and Disabled but it gets darker. Anyways, I want to point out some key things and fun facts.**

 **Soooo let's go with them!**

 **-Lenka and Len are assumed to be dating.**

 **-'Sticks and Stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you.' is something I've heard throughout my life, and I've always hated it. Cause it wasn't true to me, so I reflected that to Rin's character persona.**

 **-Rin's heart problem is very similar to mine, so this helps me make Rin's story better.**

 **-The scene with Rin falling in gym class during the mile, and with her sister & Mayu. The scene w/Mayu and her sister did not happen to me but students walking past and looking at me with pity or mockery. That, that actually happened. I do fall to the ground like Rin does, and do the same cause I have similar conditions explained later. **

**-Rin bumping into Len actually happened to me, I bumped into a girl though. The girl did more of a negative feedback to me, than how Len did.**

 **-Second scene with Len did not happen to me.**

 **-Kaede's talk w/Rin was a similar talk I've had with my classmates, but they've never realized how much it affected me.**

 **-Rin's relationship w/her mom is slightly similar to my mom and I's except I'm more affectionate but Rin's persona shows how I am on the inside.**

 **-I did not make Rin like my brother because I felt like I connected to Rin more, but there is a character that will appear later to reflect my brother's condition.**

 **-I do take pills like Rin does.**

 **-Kaede is a name mentioned in Assassinated Love.**

 **-Rin is not discriminated so don't worry. This ain't a story about discrimination so this does not happen to me IRL but it does happen sometimes.**

 **Alrighty that's it. Broken In Your Heart reflects on my side, the character I will soon introduce (similar to my brother) I will begin a fanfic on that once I finish this one.**

 **I will also be basically sharing my feelings through Rin except Rin's feelings is more intense and how I actually feel, but the reality of Rin is not so bad but her feelings are. It's hard to describe what this story is about, other than about recovery. Which I am in the process of, so...uhh yeah.**

 **Sorry for not posting early, but I narrowly made it! Next upload is 8/30/17!**


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